……… so I’m not sure where to go from here but here we go. Can’t believe it’s been about 5 months since I last wrote but I have had a lot on my mind. Everything isn’t meant to share though. As of right now to be quite honest, I FEEL LIKE BLAH. Mixed emotions, lack of sleep, thinking way too much, trying to recover from being sick that seems to be taking it’s sweet time and just living life one day at a time. That’s all I can do,right?!!
Having so much going at one time has put me in a place to where I can’t do much but think, pray, eat and love. For those who are close to my heart know about my medical issues. Well now I am willing to share a bit of that with everyone else. Just the surface pretty much so you can try to see my point of view if not relate somehow. I have black out seizures. They pretty much go unnoticed unless it’s just one of them bad times and my wall seems to crumble. I can’t drive, speak clearly, walk balanced, think straight,hear or feel. Going deaf and having short memory lapses doesn’t bother me as much as having my driving privileges taken away for a number of months. That is my mode of transportation. I have 5 children who need me. Yes yes I know there are plenty of people who don’t have vehicles and manage to operate still so please don’t think I am not mindful of others or I can’t survive without because I can. This really is about me taking off my superwoman cape and letting God and others help me. Needless to say that once I think smooth sailing is in front of me, another storm seems to blow my way. Darn! Can I get a break or what? Geez. Health issues are back up in my face but just something new. I’m sitting here determined to finish this post so I can go lay down and rest. Rest. That is something that I despise doing! Me lay down and rest. You might as well prepare to shake your head because I am hardheaded! But after a few warnings, I get the hint and I TRY to get it right. I can’t get better if I don’t listen. Pride gets in the way, my sense of sassiness and pretty much being bossy tells me that I can take care of myself. Now who am I fooling?? No one but myself. I know I can’t win but the woman I am tries to do it anyway!
Let me speed this up because I am sitting here shaking, my entire right side is numb ( making it harder to type ) and I got a headache. God has a plan for us all. Whether we yield to him is another story. I must say that I have gone through a tough time in this past month and a half but I am choosing to keep my head up though I have broken down into tears and cried my heart out for various reasons. It’s better to be optimistic and look beyond your circumstances than to sit in pity and nothing changes. It’s so easy to point the finger and blame someone or something for the hard time you are going through. Nothing is too big or too bad that God can’t take and turn around. At times it’s best to just keep quiet and listen whether you can verbally speak or not. This perhaps may be a new season in your life that calls for change. Ask yourself what needs to take place in your life to make somthing negative into a positive. The situation may not change any time soon if at all but your mindset as to how you cope can make all the difference. I have dealt with seizures for some years now and I manage. It took a while to accept, but how I handle it is another story. My current issue calls for me to do some pruning in my life sobeit relationships or whatever. The decision is mine. You live and you learn. Continue to love and pray. Move forward. That’s the best thing to do. On a personal note, I am thankful for the love and support of my husband, kids, family and friends. I am thankful for being able to go through this rough patch. It opened my eyes to see and learn. Lessson learned lesson learned!
May you be blessed and healed in whatever your situation may be. May your eyes and heart be opened and receptive to see and make a change. God loves you and so do I. Through my afflictions, I still take the time and pray for others. Someone is always going through worse. There is no scale of worse in my opinion. Everyone has a heart and needs support. That is who I am and what I do. Be the kind of friend I want someone to be to me but ultimately because it’s the right thing to do.
Blessings and prosperity to you all in the name of the Lord.