It Is Well with My Soul

………… It is well with my soul.

Words cannot begin to describe the depth of my pain. Grief is something else. We’ve all experienced it at some point in our lives but the only true and faithful foundation and anchor to get through it is Jesus Christ.

You can say what you believe all day long but living it is a test of your faith.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

My day came when my dear mother left this earth to go home to be with the Lord May 3, 2018. While it was no surprise to God it took my family and I for an unexpected ride. Life came and went by so quickly in the couple weeks that I went home to see about her. Little did I know that I was going home for reasons far bigger than I could ever imagine.

“For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven, if indeed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked. For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.”

‭‭II Corinthians‬ ‭5:1-8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

He was preparing me for everything that I imagined and told myself that I didn’t ever want to do.

•watch my Mother take her last breath

•do all the necessary things like paperwork to get her ready for burial

•view her body up close in preparation for her Homegoing service

•bury her beneath the Earth’s soil in the very place I dislike going to. The cemetery.

But what I fail to concentrate on (getting better at doing it) is that “for a time such as this” He had me ministering to her while she was still alive. I practically lived at the hospital for 2wks. I made it my business to pray with her and over her, read the Bible to her and to play/sing praise and worship music. I did this every day. I didn’t know she was going to die. I just knew that she needed the Word instilled in her. It’s all I know to do when facing the unexpected. God is my hope and my strength day to day. Through the good and and the not so good days.

Every time she was being taken away for a procedure she would not let anyone wheel her away until I prayed. Her hope and her faith to get through it all was in God. I take comfort in knowing that I played a part in it because of my obedience to Him. It helped my mother during the roughest experience of her life. She could have easily told me to not pray anymore, to not speak of the God who was allowing her to go through such a painful time. But I can only imagine that she understood in that time that God sat and watched his one and only Son be tortured and crucified for all of the world’s sins. There was a purpose in the temporary pain. Jesus died so that we could live. He bore our sins and our afflictions on the Cross so that we could be set free.

I went back home to my own family just to turn back around 3 days later because things turned for the worse. While I can do away with technology some days I am so happy for it’s good use. On my way to the airport my niece FaceTime me because my mother was asking for me. She ended up in ICU. It was the last time I got to see her awake. It was the last time that I knew of that she could hear me tell her that I loved her and I prayed with her. By the time I made it home and up to the hospital she wasn’t responding to my voice or squeezing my hand anymore and yet I continue to pray, read and play worship music.

I was still believing God for the unexpected and yet I was okay if He decided to take her home. While it still hurts, while the tears still fall down my face, while I grieve with such an agonizing pain in my heart it is well with my soul.

So no more pain, no more suffering, no more condemnation in those who belong to Him. Though our earthly bodies will suffer it’s temporary. We all will leave this life in some way but in Him we take confidence that all will be made new in heaven. This is my confidence. This I hold to be true because God my Father who holds the world in his hands holds me and he holds you too. He will see us through.

This trying time could have made me turn my back on God but it didn’t. It helped me get through the darkest day of my life that I’ve experienced so far. For all that I’ve learned and read and lived on this Christian journey it has become even more real when facing such a hardship. Losing a parent is a hard pill to swallow. They played a part into you coming into this world.

I can only tell you my friend what got me through and is still getting me over the waves of grief that consume me at times. Faith, hope, and prayer. Jesus was right there crying with me and my family. He was right there as my mother went through so much pain until she made her transition from this life to her eternal home. He knows our pain and he knows our struggles personally. He lived it and because He trusted his Father we can do the same thing. It’s a choice.

It is well with my soul because I know that God is faithful and true. He is the God who cannot lie and keeps His promises. This is my story… this is my experience of going through the valley. The key word is through. A friend shared that with me. It’s not a permanent destination. We are passing by and through with expectancy to come out.

I can only hope and pray that my words no matter how the flow of sharing differs from my other posts touches your heart and brings some sense of peace and encouragement if you’ve lost a loved one or come at a time when you will experience it. It’s taken me while to write. I’ve started and stopped. Deleted and tried to ignore and avoid. Grief goes deep but if sharing helps someone else I want to fight through it, wipe my tears away and type. This is where I am and this is my truth.

Be blessed, be encouraged and keep hope even when it seems like it’s fading. God can do all things but fail.

~ Terra

“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.””

‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

* the song Even If by MercyMe connected to my heart before I knew what was about to take place. I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe that God orchestrated it. All of it. How can I not thank Him for it. Even through pain and loss He has a plan.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

http://bible.com/111/jer.29.11-13.niv

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Facetime with My Lord

Greetings dear brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus,

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I pray that you all are doing well in mind, body and spirit. God is truly good to us. (even in difficult times. ) Would you agree?

The last few weeks have been somewhat challenging in my spirit. Keeping things bottled up for the most part has not been a wise choice.

Rolling waves come crashing down on me. Again.

“Lord, I don’t know how I am going to get through this but I trust You with the outcome.” These words have been going through my mind over and over as the days pass.

My family lost a loved one last week. My uncle passed away but God bless His soul…. before he became ill and died from cancer on Monday he gave his life to the Lord! Hallelujah!!

Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t even seem like the right word to scratch the surface of how I have been coping with life. Why was I trying to keep it together and stay afloat the best I knew how without crying out in desperation is beyond me. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and yet I found myself closing up. Not one word to utter out loud to my Savior; the very One who sustains me. My heart cried out and soon I found myself needing face time with my Lord.

I needed to talk. I needed to pour out. I needed to be held and comforted unlike any other time.

Facetime. Something we all need with the Lord. Not only should we go to Him with our heavy hearts and burdens but also to lift Him up and glorify His name. He is to be exalted, praised and lifted up! Let us share the good news of Christ and all He’s done in us and through us. Amen?!!

As I found this time of retreat and solace beginning to take its place within me, I was still having unsettled peace reside.

I wasn’t giving up control.

My sister Patricia (link) contacted me as well as my other sister Dulcinea (link). They were not giving up on me at all! Each one came in at a time to give me a word of encouragement and shown me love when I wasn’t seeking it. Or so I thought. God’s arms stretch wide and His words of comfort come from afar. He knew just what I needed and though I had alone time with Him, He gave me more. He poured into me through others. All I can say is: timely. God shows up right on time. He’s not a minute too early or a second late. He comes right on time.

My God blessed me. He lifted me up from the hollow and dark place that I had been sitting in and fighting. I tell you and I encourage you all to not give up. I encourage you to rise up from the pit that tries to hold you captive. We are free in Jesus. The chains have been broken. We do not have to be enslaved to things that hurt us. I want to share a portion of a message Patricia sent me. I wish I could add the voicemail that Dulci (Sissy as I call her) sent me but I can’t. I love these women with all my heart. Thank you Jesus for them!! Here it goes:

“I know that it truly is a process at times, but be encouraged by the fact that God’s Word never changes and neither does his love for you. He understands every single bit of what you’re going through and every emotion that you  have, and he can dry every tear and hold you stronger and tighter than anybody can!” 

Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. (Psalm 30: 5)

Faith Triumphs in Trouble
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. (Romans 5:1-5 NKJV)


Are you in need of FaceTime with the Lord today? Seek Him today while He may be found. Today is of the essence. Tomorrow may never come. Come one, come all and call upon the Name that’s above all names.

JESUS

Lamenting…… I can’t help but cry out

( crying and trying to keep it together )

First I want to say that this is straight from my heart. If there are any errors in my spelling or grammar, please forgive me. This is just raw feelings I cannot hold back.

I wonder if I am beginning to understand just a bit more of how God feels knowing that his children; his creations are dying every day without salvation that has been freely given to us by his Son Jesus. I gotta tell ya… this has been a week full of emotional highs and lows, learning and growing, planting and harvesting. My heart has been feeling sorrow and I never could really put my finger on why. God spoke to me in one word as I was walking past the kitchen this morning. LAMENTING

( This is where I break into full tears and go to my knees crying out for people I don’t even know )

Really. It’s time to come up out of our comfort zone and be about God’s business. We are called to go out and share the love of Christ, take care of the homeless, sick, shut in, the orphans, those lost in darkness who don’t even know who Jesus, let alone if they even believe in him. There is so much work to be done. No, we cannot force people to acknowledge Christ, repent and receive salvation and to live a life pleasing unto the King but we can be the mouth, the hands and feet in the Body of Christ, going about the earth being an example of the One we profess to be our all and all. Are we walking our talk? Are we showing a lifestyle that mirrors Christ to the best of our ability? If not, it is time to step out and find out.

I had the opportunity to go with my husband to pray over a woman in person who’s husband is dying of cancer that he never knew he had until he went into the hospital to have surgery for one thing, just to find out he has stage 4 lung cancer. She’s spiritually saved. He isn’t. So many emotions running through my mind, tears overflowing in my heart crying out to God pleading that some how, some way , this man’s life would be spared. That he will have the opportunity to accept Jesus into his life and receive salvation. I cried for this man out of love as if he was a member of my own household. I haven’t had the chance to meet this man in person because he is very ill. He was sleeping at the time, so it was not an appropriate time to do anything to disturb him because he is dealing with so much and in pain. A dear friend I have come to know ( Natalie ) came to mind and I emailed her in route to the home of the ailing. I’m so grateful that she received my message  before getting to the destination. I told her about what’s going on and she has been praying for this family as well since that day. It was on the way back home that my eyes were opened just a bit more to try and comprehend the LOVE Jesus has for us. It breaks our Father’s heart to see his beloveds hurting and in pain, struggling and leaving this earth sometimes by choice to never receive His love and eternal life with him. For me to love ONE person enough to cry my heart out until I was ready to puke, doesn’t even touch the surface of everyone in the world that Christ bore sins for and died a horrible death on the cross JUST so a way could be made for those to be in union with Father God and live with in heaven after they leave this earth. I can’t begin to imagine the magnitude of love and sacrifice He gave just for us.

How much are we willing to give of ourselves and our time to love thy neighbor as thyself?

You know what? God is a good God, an amazing Father, a merciful and grace filling Love in my life who patiently teaches me his ways even when I don’t understand, even when I stumble, even when my priorities are not in order every day. Through all this crying I have been doing, it’s typical for my body to start showing signs of a seizure because of the stress that crying does to me. But it has not come to pass. Thank you Father.

How my heart grieves; the sorrow that is weighing me down is actually making me stronger in Him to go out do works for the Kingdom. My actions speaks louder than words.

I’m not trying to break anyone’s Christmas spirit,but if you would, reflect on where you are in your life right now. If it wasn’t for Jesus coming into your life, where would you be? There are many people suffering mentally,physically and spiritually right now. Christmas shopping is the last of their worries. Someone has lost a loved one, someone is suffering from a bad case of depression, someone is grieving and mourning, someone is fighing for their life somewhere out there in this world. I can’t help but cry with them and over them, pleading their case before the Lord; taking their afflictions before his feet asking for healing and deliverance. I don’t have to know you to love you. It’s through Christ Jesus that I am able to truly love on you and want the best for you. So if you don’t know Christ at all, I pray that ministering angels are sent to you to be by your side and to speak his love into you. And if we ever cross paths, I will surely do my part to show His love and help you the best I can.

To God be the glory forever and always. Praises to I AM, The Holy One, my Fortress, the Great Physician, Healer, King of kings and Lord of lords in all the earth. Blessings of comfort and guidance from the Lord be with you.

Terra