God Knew Me: The Before, After & In Between of Abortion

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..."(Jeremiah 1:5)

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…”(Jeremiah 1:5)

Lord, I thank You for my life and that of all of the children I given birth to. I even thank you for the life created in me that did not survive. Every thing has its purpose and its time. May my lesson in life, loss and hope be of treasure to one if not more for Your Word does not go out void.

*The above picture is of one of my Bibles, my oldest daughter Divine Hope’s umbilical cord clip, one of her first pair of socks and her first pair of church shoes! This young lady is 17 years of age soon to graduate from high school and then off to college. I thank the Lord for her always.

(sigh) While I know abortion is a very sensitive and touchy subject I am willing to share my story, my pain and my healing. I pray for the hearts, minds and bodies of all women who have endured various types of abortions. Please know that I am not here to condemn one soul but to inspire and encourage. I am not God nor am I a medical advisor. What I am is a living and breathing testimony to the love of the One who saved me through my sins, my past and my pain. No one can lead us and guide us into doing what is right except He Who is the Giver of Life. PRAYER CHANGES EVERYTHING

The Holy Bible tells us that God knew us before we were born. He knew us before we were even conceived.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you. (Psalms 139: 13-18)

With teary eyes and a heart that still aches from time to time over the life I never got fully embrace, I am being obedient to the Lord to share with you my loss and my hope. About a month ago this subject was placed on my heart and I began to write but could not finish. I barely got through it without crying. Though the Father has blessed my husband and I many times over with a womb to carry and deliver and raise up 5 children, I still remember the baby I lost. I was in my 1 trimester. Now though in the medical world, it’s not considered a baby at that point it is still a life being formed. I am not going to attempt to try to break down the gestation so bear with me. My point is to say that LIFE is growing and developing inside the womb NO MATTER what it (baby) looks like.

As I was saying before, I miscarried (spontaneous abortion). My baby was not to be seen ever again. While not trying to be too graphic as the reminder still sits fresh with me I thought I was having a bad monthly period until I seen an unusually large clot fall into the toilet. Being that I was a young woman in my early 20’s and still maturing mentally and physically something in my heart didn’t feel right. A part of me wanted to scoop what dispersed out of my body into a bag before calling my husband into the bathroom to tell him that something was wrong with me. I thank God for Tim and his profession. He is a RN so I am always asking questions to this day. Anyway, I got myself together and off I went to see a doctor just to find out that I was actually pregnant but was miscarrying at that time.

That was one of the saddest days of my life. I cried, I wept and I mourned for the longest. Only God knew why my pregnancy did not continue. Maybe my baby was sick. I really don’t know. The only thing I was assured of was that God was in control and I trusted Him through it all. I was so grateful and thankful that I had my husband by my side to comfort and console me as I did him. I remember us going home, getting down on our knees and praying.

Gosh this is so hard to tell and relive all over again. “Father God I am truly trusting you as I open up my life once more to a bunch of folk I do not even know because  as You already know, I do not talk about this with anyone or share it unless I really have to and it’s usually only a doctor when I am doing medical history type of stuff. I pray Your will be done in my obedience because it’s really not about me. It’s about You. I lay my tears before the throne and cast my cares and concerns at Your feet. Touch the woman, the young girl who has miscarried or had chosen to abort her baby for whatever reason. Let them know that You love them no matter what. Lord provide a ram in the bush for the one considering the pill or the clinic to rid their body of the life You knew; the life that was created for Your glory. God You are the giver and taker of life. Not us. You knew us all by name and we are alive to see it. The unformed child and the one growing deserves a chance at life, a chance to make a difference in this world. We do not know the plans You set in place for the unborn. I ask that someone or some thing comes into the path of the brokenhearted ,misguided and blinded. I bind up the lies the enemy plans and carries out. Let the weary soul be set free to do what’s right. May the mind be placed in rest and in peace when they choose to seek You before carrying out such a tragic procedure that could cost them their life just as well as the unborn child that will have a heartbeat soon to stop. May Your light shine, Your love fill up and Your arms cover and shelter the mother-to-be as she makes one of the biggest decisions of her life. Once the human life is gone, there’s no turning back. The only thing left is a bunch of pain and memories even if they are suppressed. Lord, I seek Your face on behalf of hurting. I pray that they turn not to the human first for guidance but to You because I know that You can not and will not steer us wrong. In the mighty Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.”

I had to say a prayer in the middle of this post. I refuse to allow the enemy to deter me from speaking up and speaking out. Ok I suppose I can get back to ending my personal story and ending it with a word of encouragement. This is my hope.

Needless to say, God brought healing and filled my womb once again with love that spilled over into life after my loss in due time. He is my Rock, my Shelter, Great Physician, Healer, Deliverer, Redeemer and Love. What He has done for me, I know that  He can do for you too. I believe it because I am a witness to all He’s brought me through. Now your story may be worse than mine especially if you have had an abortion by choice. God forgives you. His love does not change like the wind. He is Divine. Do not allow the world and the ways of it to deceive you into doing something that is wrong. Indeed it is a sin to kill and it is one of  God’s commandments. (Exodus 20 verse 13 Thou shalt not kill.)

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalms 127:3

I do not condemn you for your past or your choices for we all have sinned in one way or another. 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:3-4

I am not your judge and I will not judge. Only God who reigns above brings judgement. He is THEE JUDGE. I am called to love you like Christ. This is the One  who gave up His life on the cross for all of our sins past and present. So even if the love of the world does not show it like it should, He is the One who does not love like the world. Is does not sway and it does not change. It is unconditional.

I do pray that those who are believers and followers of Christ Jesus strive each and every day to show His love to all just as He has shown to us. May mercy and some grace be given and shown to those who have done wrong in the sight of the Lord because He is mighty and able to save and deliver just as He has done already for so many of us.

To God be the glory forevermore. Amen.

Be encouraged, strengthened renewed. Seek the Lord today and allow Him to order your steps….

Love and Blessings in Christ the Savior,



21 thoughts on “God Knew Me: The Before, After & In Between of Abortion

  1. That is such a powerful read…..and the healing and grace you’ve experienced is going to set many women- both young and old- free. There is just so much POWER in the blood of the lamb AND THE WORD OF OUR TESTIMONY which you have written about today. Awesome, amazing, powerful, inspiring, freeing,delivering. Blessings to you! Love you friend!

    • Thank you Kirsten. I could not agree more about their being POWER in the blood of The Lamb! Thank you Jesus!!

      My friend, I can only hope that my share touches someone’s heart that God can begin to do a healing in them just as He has me. I love you much my friend! ❤

  2. The fact that you posted this today is evidence of how God unites believers through the same trials. I had a miscarriage as well. Tomorrow will be the 3 year anniversary of that aweful day and my blog, (which I have just finished), for tomorrow will be about my experience. Bless you for pushing through your tears to share your story. It is very difficult to share something so personal and my prayer is that others will be blessed by your willingness to put yourself out there.

    • Amen Valerie. Amen. It blesses my heart that we can connect through the same trials. I know that God opens door for hearts to connect and heal. There is always a purpose for doing things He ask of us. My heart is with you for your own loss. I want you to be encouraged just as well. I look forward to reading your post tomorrow about your experience. Through circumstances God can draw us closer to Him if we trust and lean on Him.

      God bless you for sharing your heart today with me. I appreciate it.

  3. Thank you for sharing your personal, yet powerful story. I know it had to be difficult and I commend you and your faith in God. The blessing lies when we are able to share our experiences with others where our testimony may become deliverance for someone, somewhere. By God’s grace, you’ve found healing and have been restored. For God knows the plans he have for you. Plans to prosper and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future (Jer 29:11). Of which, I believe is evident in the blessing of having what seems like an amazing family. God bless you! And keep spreading God’s love and inspiration. It truly blesses me. Be blessed! -JD

    • You are such a wonderful inspiration and I thank God for you! My heart has been uplifted by your words my friend! Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favorite scriptures which happens to be posted on the front of my blog page as well as my signature scripture for my email! My face lit up because those very words; that scripture beamed a bright light into my heart and spirit and I rejoice so I thank YOU! I thank The Lord for whispering that scripture to you for me…. I receive it! God bless you today and everyday given to you in Christ Jesus!!

      • Glory to God! I THANK YOU my friend for the beautiful, heartfelt words. What amazes me is Jeremiah 29:11 is also one of my favorite scriptures. And when I read your words, my smile was as wide as an ocean and my heart melted :). Thank you!

        My Mom sent a plaque with this scripture on it a few years ago when I was at a really low point in my life and really going through with not a clue which way to turn. Now it sits on my mantle as I am reminded every day how much God loves me.

        I stand in agreement with you and receive God’s assurance we will prosper. God bless you my friend. Have a wonderful day in the Lord! Be blessed!

      • …… what can I say to this except that the Lord indeed is GOOD!! I see that we both are full of smiles!! I can’t stop! This is such a wonderful bond that we share. I surely appreciate you sharing your testimony and how Jeremiah came to be one of your favorite scriptures as well! I bet that plaque is beautiful in so many ways! Thank you for standing in agreement with me my friend! I see God opening doors for many to receive all that He has for them including us! You have a wonderful day and week in Him just as well! Bless you!!!!

      • I am speechless 🙂 Yes, the Lord is indeed GOOD. Yes, the plaque is beautiful. I cherish it. I thank God for the connection and the bond we share. I appreciate you and the inspiration that uplifts my spirit on days when I feel as though I am unsure of my purpose in life. You don’t know how much it means to me. Your words definitely speak life in my situation and makes my day worth living. God has a way of putting people in your path to confirm the assignment, the plan, and the anointing he has on your life. And you my friend have been placed in my life for that reason. And for that I thank God. And I thank you. Have a wonderful weekend. Take care. Be blessed!

      • Blessed The Lord O’ my soul and all that is within me…… Hallelujah!!

        My dear sister in Christ, while you have become speechless and left my heart filled with emotions and gratitude, I am still speechless when I read your beautiful and heartfelt comment yesterday. God has connected us for His purpose and plan. I thank Him for using me to write a message of love and encouragement for you and for many others who have been impacted.

        It’s Christ Jesus who in and through me! I want to shed tears of joy but my heart is FULL. I am humbled and in awe. Never thought I would be where I am today doing what I do for the kingdom!

        If you need me I am here for you. Please feel free to contact me anytime whether its via email or Twitter. Much love to you in Christ forevermore!

        God bless!!

      • Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow! My dear sister friend in Christ, thank you so much for the beautiful words of assurance of how good our God is! You take my breath away. You are truly a godsend and for that I thank God! I love the gift he has given you to impact the world as well as me, and your ability to use the gift to glorify him. You are amazing.

        I started following you on Twitter sometime ago as I wanted to keep what I call a divine connection to you. Thank you so much for being here for me as I am here for you as well. Please stay connected and I will do the same.

        I’d also like to thank you for your offer to contact you anytime. I have made a mental note of your email and will keep in touch. My email address should also be available should you ever need to contact me.

        Sharing the beauty of God’s gift is such a blessing and it’s all I know. As I can see in you. There’s an old saying my mother use to say, “God works in mysterious ways.” And I believe this to be true. He works in an unsuspecting way so we may serve and fulfill His purpose through others such as you. Keep doing what you do for Christ. For, what you do for Christ will last. And those that encounter you along the way will be blessed.

        Much love back at you my sister! God bless! Have a great day in the Lord!

  4. Thanks for sharing your heart and experience, Terra. I know your words will Divinely reach those who need to hear its message. Hugs to you.

    • You are welcome Patti and I thank you for the encouragement believing with me that God will touch the hearts of those whom this is meant for. Hugs to you too!!

    • What a blessing I have received today by you upon the many God has bestowed already! I thank you, Geraldine for stopping by and partaking in fellowship and reading my post. We never know what will come out of obedience to the Lord even if its just walking with Him. He has done great things! Praise His Name! I am delighted and in awe that my article would touch many in ways I could not imagine. God is our GLUE. Bonded in Christ we are!

      Much love and blessings to you in Christ our Lord!


  5. Blessings to you. I’m completely taken by surprise. God is faithful, always. There are things still to learn about you….your courage to open up and release this for others to be strengthened and encouraged is a blessing in itself. I consistently hear great things about Divine, and I’m sure she will continue to blossom as God sees fit.

    I’m glad God allowed you to pour out.
    Be encouraged…..stay encouraged!


    • Thank you for the blessings Shenine. Your words of encouragement helps me a lot.

      I’m quite sure you are surprised to hear of this especially when you and I know each other personally. I think this is why I have had difficulty responding to your comment even more. I’m at a lost of words because while I have opened myself wide to the world, I never shared this with anyone I knew personally including family. This was something I never wanted to talk about in general because its painful and uncomfortable. God knew what He was doing so I can only thank Him and still keep trust in what I’ve shared with you and others.

      You know me and my family on a personal note so you can understand how proud I am of Divine. I leave her and her siblings in the hands of The Lord as I continue to do my part in their lives! God is good!!

      I’m past the tears of reading, taking in and responding back to you because our relationship goes deep. Thank you Lord for healing!

      God bless you always!


      • You are such a humble, beautiful, warm-hearted, and genuine being. Your children are truly blessed, and I’m grateful for our blossoming friendship through thick, and thin.
        I have learned a lot from you. It’s okay I don’t need to know every detail about you all at once. Layer by layer is a treasure as you share your joys, and sorrows with all of us. You are a blossoming butterfly, indeed! I love you Terra. Wish I was feeling better today. Talk tomorrow Lord’s will!


  6. I “liked” this post dear Terra, because I am soooooo encouraged by your obedience and faithfulness to God. Thank you for sharing this most intimate part of your life, and rest assured, it’s blessing all who read it! Love you!

    • Thank you for “liking” this post Patricia. This was not easy at all to share but I trusted God as I shared. I am so appreciate of the love and support as I am faithful and obedient. His will and purpose is greater than mine so I know it will serve its purpose for His glory! Love you!

      • You’ve honestly inspired me. Being transparent for the sake of kingdom work is one of the greatest gifts you can share with others! May God continue to bless you abundantly!!

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