God Knew Me: The Before, After & In Between of Abortion

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..."(Jeremiah 1:5)

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…”(Jeremiah 1:5)

Lord, I thank You for my life and that of all of the children I given birth to. I even thank you for the life created in me that did not survive. Every thing has its purpose and its time. May my lesson in life, loss and hope be of treasure to one if not more for Your Word does not go out void.

*The above picture is of one of my Bibles, my oldest daughter Divine Hope’s umbilical cord clip, one of her first pair of socks and her first pair of church shoes! This young lady is 17 years of age soon to graduate from high school and then off to college. I thank the Lord for her always.

(sigh) While I know abortion is a very sensitive and touchy subject I am willing to share my story, my pain and my healing. I pray for the hearts, minds and bodies of all women who have endured various types of abortions. Please know that I am not here to condemn one soul but to inspire and encourage. I am not God nor am I a medical advisor. What I am is a living and breathing testimony to the love of the One who saved me through my sins, my past and my pain. No one can lead us and guide us into doing what is right except He Who is the Giver of Life. PRAYER CHANGES EVERYTHING

The Holy Bible tells us that God knew us before we were born. He knew us before we were even conceived.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you. (Psalms 139: 13-18)

With teary eyes and a heart that still aches from time to time over the life I never got fully embrace, I am being obedient to the Lord to share with you my loss and my hope. About a month ago this subject was placed on my heart and I began to write but could not finish. I barely got through it without crying. Though the Father has blessed my husband and I many times over with a womb to carry and deliver and raise up 5 children, I still remember the baby I lost. I was in my 1 trimester. Now though in the medical world, it’s not considered a baby at that point it is still a life being formed. I am not going to attempt to try to break down the gestation so bear with me. My point is to say that LIFE is growing and developing inside the womb NO MATTER what it (baby) looks like.

As I was saying before, I miscarried (spontaneous abortion). My baby was not to be seen ever again. While not trying to be too graphic as the reminder still sits fresh with me I thought I was having a bad monthly period until I seen an unusually large clot fall into the toilet. Being that I was a young woman in my early 20’s and still maturing mentally and physically something in my heart didn’t feel right. A part of me wanted to scoop what dispersed out of my body into a bag before calling my husband into the bathroom to tell him that something was wrong with me. I thank God for Tim and his profession. He is a RN so I am always asking questions to this day. Anyway, I got myself together and off I went to see a doctor just to find out that I was actually pregnant but was miscarrying at that time.

That was one of the saddest days of my life. I cried, I wept and I mourned for the longest. Only God knew why my pregnancy did not continue. Maybe my baby was sick. I really don’t know. The only thing I was assured of was that God was in control and I trusted Him through it all. I was so grateful and thankful that I had my husband by my side to comfort and console me as I did him. I remember us going home, getting down on our knees and praying.

Gosh this is so hard to tell and relive all over again. “Father God I am truly trusting you as I open up my life once more to a bunch of folk I do not even know because  as You already know, I do not talk about this with anyone or share it unless I really have to and it’s usually only a doctor when I am doing medical history type of stuff. I pray Your will be done in my obedience because it’s really not about me. It’s about You. I lay my tears before the throne and cast my cares and concerns at Your feet. Touch the woman, the young girl who has miscarried or had chosen to abort her baby for whatever reason. Let them know that You love them no matter what. Lord provide a ram in the bush for the one considering the pill or the clinic to rid their body of the life You knew; the life that was created for Your glory. God You are the giver and taker of life. Not us. You knew us all by name and we are alive to see it. The unformed child and the one growing deserves a chance at life, a chance to make a difference in this world. We do not know the plans You set in place for the unborn. I ask that someone or some thing comes into the path of the brokenhearted ,misguided and blinded. I bind up the lies the enemy plans and carries out. Let the weary soul be set free to do what’s right. May the mind be placed in rest and in peace when they choose to seek You before carrying out such a tragic procedure that could cost them their life just as well as the unborn child that will have a heartbeat soon to stop. May Your light shine, Your love fill up and Your arms cover and shelter the mother-to-be as she makes one of the biggest decisions of her life. Once the human life is gone, there’s no turning back. The only thing left is a bunch of pain and memories even if they are suppressed. Lord, I seek Your face on behalf of hurting. I pray that they turn not to the human first for guidance but to You because I know that You can not and will not steer us wrong. In the mighty Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.”

I had to say a prayer in the middle of this post. I refuse to allow the enemy to deter me from speaking up and speaking out. Ok I suppose I can get back to ending my personal story and ending it with a word of encouragement. This is my hope.

Needless to say, God brought healing and filled my womb once again with love that spilled over into life after my loss in due time. He is my Rock, my Shelter, Great Physician, Healer, Deliverer, Redeemer and Love. What He has done for me, I know that  He can do for you too. I believe it because I am a witness to all He’s brought me through. Now your story may be worse than mine especially if you have had an abortion by choice. God forgives you. His love does not change like the wind. He is Divine. Do not allow the world and the ways of it to deceive you into doing something that is wrong. Indeed it is a sin to kill and it is one of  God’s commandments. (Exodus 20 verse 13 Thou shalt not kill.)

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalms 127:3

I do not condemn you for your past or your choices for we all have sinned in one way or another. 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:3-4

I am not your judge and I will not judge. Only God who reigns above brings judgement. He is THEE JUDGE. I am called to love you like Christ. This is the One  who gave up His life on the cross for all of our sins past and present. So even if the love of the world does not show it like it should, He is the One who does not love like the world. Is does not sway and it does not change. It is unconditional.

I do pray that those who are believers and followers of Christ Jesus strive each and every day to show His love to all just as He has shown to us. May mercy and some grace be given and shown to those who have done wrong in the sight of the Lord because He is mighty and able to save and deliver just as He has done already for so many of us.

To God be the glory forevermore. Amen.

Be encouraged, strengthened renewed. Seek the Lord today and allow Him to order your steps….

Love and Blessings in Christ the Savior,

Terra

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