II Timothy 1:7 NKJV
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Here I am sharing the diary of my thoughts as of late. It’s quite something when separation anxiety plays a major part in your life and your spiritual walk.
The last couple weeks have felt as if fear has been gripping me at the throat. Two reasons to be exact. Actually three. One being my husband leaving state for a short period of time to go to medical school as he is working on his doctorate. The other being concerned about an upcoming appt for a yearly annual exam followed up by a mammogram. *I’ll be getting to the third reason soon enough.
Regarding my husband, I love him to pieces so it’s always hard to see him leave without me and our children. You’d think I would be use to it as we are now a retired Army family. We both were soldiers. After 19yrs of marriage, I still shed tears before he leaves anywhere out of town and my mind rolls like a tide wondering and worrying if he is safe on the highways.
These emotions should not rule over me. At all.
The above scripture repeatedly played in my mind as I allowed it to filter into my heart. My husband told me that God is still God and that He is always in control. He told me this not once but twice. The second time was as the days passed upon the arrival of my up and coming appointment to the doctors office.
“Lord I am tired of letting You down as well as myself. I claim Your truths, promises and healing yet I find myself still emotionally consumed with feelings of the unseen and unknown.”
Deuteronomy 31:8 NKJV
And the Lord , He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”
Boom. Here comes my third reason. The reason that landed me where I should have not landed. The reason that I listed last so that it will make sense.
My separation anxieties would not have me all in a frenzy had I kept my focus on God and not my fears. It’s natural to be concerned about others and situations but I should not allow them to choke me up.
I allowed my thoughts to run rampant. I allowed myself get away from standing still in the presence of God and giving Him my complete trust while letting go of how I felt I could cope with my emotional state.
Simply put, I can do nothing without Him. This I know yet I did not completely relent until the day of my appointment.
CANCER. (lump in my throat)
Thinking that I may be the next woman in my family to have breast cancer and/or ovarian cancer made my stress level skyrocket. My mom and sister are survivors of breast cancer. My paternal grandmother died of ovarian cancer.
“I can’t catch a break to save my life. Sheesh. I’d be the very one to die from breast cancer if my test came back confirming my worst fear.” These were the thoughts running through my mind. Shame on me. I should never feel insignificant to God. He loves me.
Battlefield of the mind. I am at war with myself and the adversary. I press forward to think on good things as scripture tells me.
Philippians 4:8 NKJV
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
… yet I’m still fighting to keep my head above water. Speaking of water, I think about the story when Jesus tells Peter to come to Him out in the open sea. Peter stepped out and walked on water until the the winds blew. His fear, his lack of faith caused him to begin to sink until Jesus pulled him up. (Matthew 14:22-32)
Let me back this whole thing up for a minute. When I find myself withdrawing to grow closer to the Lord, the enemy is on my heels. If he being Satan did it to Jesus then I definitely am not being excluded to be tested and tried. This makes me think back to the biblical story of Job. That man surely went through some storms in his life yet He did not turn his back on God despite all the mental, physical and emotional hardships he suffered. He knew God was still a faithful and loving Father though he knew not why he was suffering.
With all this being said, I need to stick even closer to the Lord. I know this life will not keep me from suffering all things that come my way. Whether it’s through word or affliction I must continue to speak the word of God in my life and over it. I must believe Him for the unseen and unknown even when I’m growing weary.
I’m far from perfect but I continue to strive to live out my life pleasing Him who has purposed every aspect of my life that He would get the glory. His Holy Word tells us: Romans 8:28 ESV
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
So to sum up my thoughts, I took action like never before as I prepped myself to leave the house and as I traveled the highway. I thank the Holy Spirit for bringing my mind and heart into remembrance of scriptures to help, affirm and comfort me through the last couple weeks and to encourage me to fight for my life in Christ.
Words cannot explain the experience I encountered with the Lord before I reached my destination. One thing I do know is that I was at peace and my mind was settled. I still am. Praise in His presence through worship and prayer carried me unlike any experience I can remember. Though I have yet to know my test results, I know that I know that I know that I am healed and whole whether I receive it in this life or when I go home to be with Him however it may be that I am taken. It doesn’t have to be sickness that we die from. Freak accidents and evil happens everywhere. I could die of natural causes. Better yet, He can just take me home because it’s my time. None of us know the day or hour that we will leave this world so I pray we focus on Him and the life and ministry we are called to carry out. May we love one another and share the Gospel of Christ with those who do not know Him.
I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. Victory is mine. It’s yours too dear believer. We have been given power and authority in Jesus’ name. We are not defeated unless we throw in the towel.
Remember these words please and cling tight to them. God’s word is truth and He cannot go back on what He says.
Romans 8:38-39 ESV
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This song was one of the last I listened to before I parked my car. I can’t list every song but I believe the Lord ministered to me through them all. I was left somewhat speechless but full in heart with gratitude and thankfulness.
“Praise you Lord for loving me and lifting me up even when I fail You. Your grace and mercy endures forever. Amen”
Proverbs 3:5-8 ESV
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord , and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.
Thank you for the message, truly spoke to my spirit. God going take care of everything. God Bless You 🙂
You are welcome PJ! I felt moved to share so I’m grateful that it moved your spirit. And you are right about God taking care of everything. Thank you for speaking that truth to me. Hoping you are getting better each and every day my sister! Hugs, love and prayers to ya 🙂
🙂 its a struggle but I wont give up no matter what! God has been good to me this year! You very welcome! God Bless You 🙂
I love you, Terra. Nothing can succeed against God’s plan for your life. I cancel every plan the enemy has for you in Jesus’ name! You belong to JESUS. Nothing can touch you! Same goes for your beloved husband. You are both safely tucked under the Lord’s wing, and His holy angels surround you. You may see many fall but nothing will touch you, my friend (Psalm 91).
Love in Christ,
Praise the Lord!! I love you too Natalie and I receive that prayer in Jesus name. You are a mighty prayer warrior and sister that brings great encouragement. I appreciate you so much. Thank you for asking the Lord to cover me and my husband. I’m overwhelmed with joy as my eyes well up with tears. The Father is so good and I pray He blesses you with increase in all areas of your life. My soul is blessed.
Hugs to you my sweet sister in Christ,
What a wonderful post Terra! Thank you for being so honest with us all! Can I just say one thing here, I used to be consumed with fear for years, and I mean years. The Lord freed me from fear with the revelation that even if your worst fear were to come true, HE would be there with you and walk you through it. The enemy loves to keep us bound up with fear and paralyze us from fulfilling God’s purpose for us but as the Lord has shown you, you can rest completely in Him and know that nothing and I mean nothing He allows to touch our life will be too much for us to go through and go through glorifying Him. Blessings and health my friend!
Amen!!! You are so right. It’s’s a blessing to be lifted up in the Lord with truth and encouragement as you and others have done for me even when I know it for myself. Thank you for sharing your testimony dear sister! I really appreciate it. Big news…. NO CANCER was found! Hallelujah thank You Jesus!!!! I received a letter in the mail yesterday. I had the biggest smile on my face and praise in my mouth unto the Lord! thank you for the blessings towards my health. God bless you in all you do and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Shield Terra, heart with your love.
Lead her to the still waters where she make drink of Peace to rid the fears, anxiety, and worries.
Let her be anxious in serving you Lord, alone.
Be her GPS Jesus, because you are the only way and true comforter!
May all who is needing a pick me up, know that you are the Higher Power that elevates, and delivers.
Amen Amen and Amen!! I receive that wholesome and loving prayer Shenine. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Glory be to God for being a hedge of protection and a Love unlike no other. I thank you for blessing others with a prayer who need this loving encouragement as we seek the Lord for peace and healing.
God bless you and I love you my friend and sister,
Heartfelt prayers for you and yours.
Thank you Brother Butch! I greatly appreciate your prayers. Great news… no cancer was detected! Praises be to God!! Getting a letter so quickly in the mail caught me off guard but I knew in my spirit the day I had my appointment that all was well. I could not prove it but God nested that truth within me. 🙂
Pingback: There is POWER in the Name of Jesus | Living Simply In Abundance
This was a very good article, one I wish I had read years ago – although I am still learning to leave my fears and anxieities at the foot of the cross, there are times I still worry and the “what if’s” fill my mind. Over 30 years of being married I always worried about my DH when we were apart. And being a breast cancer myself and recently had to under go another biopsy I know those fears all too well, and I praise God that although I may still worry, my worries do not consumer my life like they used to, but faith and trust God does consume my life.BTW Biopsy came back clear – and I am thankful to read your appointment and mammogram went well too. Praise God!
Patty, I had to read your message a couple times. It resonated deep within me because you understand my feelings and experience. I want you to stay encouraged just as myself as we strive daily to leave our fears, worries and concerns at the foot of the cross. You made a great point when you said that you consume yourself with faith and trust in God instead. Such truth should stick to our bones! Thank you for that. Praise God that your biopsy came back clear!!!!! I rejoice with you. I have a smile big as ever on my face upon reading your great news. Thank you for reading my article and replying. There is a time and season for everything, so through it all, God can and will use past situations and current articles from others to still bless us and touch the lives of others. May the Lord keep you, bless you and build you up always.
Hugs, love and prayers,
Beautifully said…thank you it was what I needed to hear today.
Your transparency is ministering to so many, even when it doesn’t seem to be-it is! Thank you so much, Sis, for sharing this with us. You have no idea how I can relate and how much you are encouraging me through this new transition.
What Our Father has placed in you is a treasure trove, full of HIS love, and HIS word. I realize nobody is perfect. But please receive this as a tremendous, “THANK YOU JESUS, for placing my Sis in my life!”
And with that, check this out: http://hodgepodge4thesoul.wordpress.com/2013/11/21/how-did-i-miss-this/ ; I nominated your blog for the blog of year 2013. You’ve been there for me and countless others. And I would be remiss if I didn’t pass it on to you.
May God continue blessing you and all that you do in Jesus.
I love you 🙂
(Reaching through this computer, giving you a big squeeze!)
I’m choked up with tears. Thank you Sissy for all that you’ve written. It’s a blessing to be a blessing especially when I don’t realize how my transparency touches others.
The Lord is with you continuously through your transition. I love you with all my heart and I thank Him for bringing you into my life.
I’m overjoyed and humbled by your kindness and sincerity. Blog of the year?!! Wow…. It’s to Him I credit and give the reward for using me as a living vessel reaching His children deep and wide! Thank you Jesus and thank you Sis!