Separation Anxiety

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II Timothy 1:7 NKJV

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Here I am sharing the diary of my thoughts as of late. It’s quite something when separation anxiety plays a major part in your life and your spiritual walk.

The last couple weeks have felt as if fear has been gripping me at the throat. Two reasons to be exact. Actually three. One being my husband leaving state for a short period of time to go to medical school as he is working on his doctorate. The other being concerned about an upcoming appt for a yearly annual exam followed up by a mammogram. *I’ll be getting to the third reason soon enough.

Regarding my husband, I love him to pieces so it’s always hard to see him leave without me and our children. You’d think I would be use to it as we are now a retired Army family.  We both were soldiers. After 19yrs of marriage, I still shed tears before he leaves anywhere out of town and my mind rolls like a tide wondering and worrying if he is safe on the highways.

These emotions should not rule over me. At all.

The above scripture repeatedly played in my mind as I allowed it to filter into my heart. My husband told me that God is still God and that He is always in control. He told me this not once but twice. The second time was as the days passed upon the arrival of my up and coming appointment to the doctors office.

“Lord I am tired of letting You down as well as myself. I claim Your truths, promises and healing yet I find myself still emotionally consumed with feelings of the unseen and unknown.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 NKJV

And the Lord , He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

Boom. Here comes my third reason. The reason that landed me where I should have not landed. The reason that I listed last so that it will make sense.

My separation anxieties would not have me all in a frenzy had I kept my focus on God and not my fears. It’s natural to be concerned about others and situations but I should not allow them to choke me up.

I allowed my thoughts to run rampant. I allowed myself get away from standing still in the presence of God and giving Him my complete trust while letting go of how I felt I could cope with my emotional state.

Simply put, I can do nothing without Him. This I know yet I did not completely relent until the day of my appointment.

CANCER. (lump in my throat)

Thinking that I may be the next woman in my family to have breast cancer and/or ovarian cancer made my stress level skyrocket. My mom and sister are survivors of breast cancer. My paternal grandmother died of ovarian cancer.

“I can’t catch a break to save my life. Sheesh. I’d be the very one to die from breast cancer if my test came back confirming my worst fear.” These were the thoughts running through my mind. Shame on me. I should never feel insignificant to God. He loves me.

Battlefield of the mind. I am at war with myself and the adversary. I press forward to think on good things as scripture tells me.

Philippians 4:8 NKJV

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are  noble, whatever things are  just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are  lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there  is any virtue and if there  is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

… yet I’m still fighting to keep my head above water. Speaking of water, I think about the story when Jesus tells Peter to come to Him out in the open sea. Peter stepped out and walked on water until the the winds blew. His fear, his lack of faith caused him to begin to sink until Jesus pulled him up. (Matthew 14:22-32)

Let me back this whole thing up for a minute. When I find myself withdrawing to grow closer to the Lord, the enemy is on my heels. If he being Satan did it to Jesus then I definitely am not being excluded to be tested and tried. This makes me think back to the biblical story of Job. That man surely went through some storms in his life yet He did not turn his back on God despite all the mental, physical and emotional hardships he suffered. He knew God was still a faithful and loving Father though he knew not why he was suffering.

With all this being said, I need to stick even closer to the Lord. I know this life will not keep me from suffering all things that come my way. Whether it’s through word or affliction I must continue to speak the word of God in my life and over it. I must believe Him for the unseen and unknown even when I’m growing weary.

I’m far from perfect but I continue to strive to live out my life pleasing Him who has purposed every aspect of my life that He would get the glory. His Holy Word tells us: Romans 8:28 ESV

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

So to sum up my thoughts, I took action like never before as I prepped myself to leave the house and as I traveled the highway. I thank the Holy Spirit for bringing my mind and heart into remembrance of scriptures to help, affirm and comfort me through the last couple weeks and to encourage me to fight for my life in Christ.

Words cannot explain the experience I encountered with the Lord before I reached my destination.  One thing I do know is that I was at peace and my mind was settled. I still am. Praise in His presence through worship and prayer carried me unlike any experience I can remember. Though I have yet to know my test results, I know that I know that I know that I am healed and whole whether I receive it in this life or when I go home to be with Him however it may be that I am taken. It doesn’t have to be sickness that we die from. Freak accidents and evil happens everywhere. I could die of natural causes. Better yet, He can just take me home because it’s my time. None of us know the day or hour that we will leave this world so I pray we focus on Him and the life and ministry we are called to carry out. May we love one another and share the Gospel of Christ with those who do not know Him.

I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. Victory is mine. It’s yours too dear believer. We have been given power and authority in Jesus’ name.  We are not defeated unless we throw in the towel.

Remember these words please and cling tight to them. God’s word is truth and He cannot go back on what He says.

Romans 8:38-39 ESV

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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Are You Feeling Squeezed? Sin, Worldly Living, and the Narrow Gate

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Jesus answered them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. (John 8:34-36 NKJV)

Our “ticket” to heaven or hell is given by God himself. There are no “get-by” passes or a friend standing at the pearly gates “hooking you up” to live in comfort and leisure up in heaven when you leave this earth while you have not done a self check and most importantly given your life to Christ for the sake of receiving salvation and forgiveness from He who is our Lord and Savior. It’s not that kind of party. God does not operate like that.

We choose the route we want to take in life. As well, we choose to do either right or wrong. The decision is ours. Scripture tells us “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. (Matthew 7:13, 14 NKJV)

I need to be squeezed. Don’t you?

Often I find myself asking of the Lord in regards to reproof and correction. I surely am not one who is perfect and I claim to not be perfect though I am made perfect in Him. We all have sinned and continue to sin in some sort whether in word, thought or action consciously and subconsciously. I want to know the error of my ways so that I can change. I want to be forgiven of my sins. I want to be made over daily.

I NEED TO BE SQUEEZED.

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. (II Timothy 3:16, 17 NKJV)

Many succumb to the ways of the world without fighting for what right. It’s easier to pleasure and please man because we don’t want to hurt their feelings or because we want to fit in rather than stand out for God who has been nothing but good and merciful toward us, who loves us without conditions and who gave us a way out and a way in that we may be washed, cleansed and approved to be united with Him forever where no more tears and sorrow shall reign in eternal glory in heaven. As believers and followers of Christ we are not called to life a life of such. We are not to conform to the ways of the world. (Romans 12:2)

We were made to stand out. We were made to let our light shine for the world to see. “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; (I Peter 2:9 NKJV)

Unfortunately this place we live in is full of evil and lust. Temptation is always knocking at our door. Will we answer?

Not one of us came into this world without sin so I pray we don’t walk around as if we have never done wrong. God knows all and sees all. He’s merciful and forgiving. He’s loving and patient. This is how we should also be towards others who have committed sin who are in the Body of Christ as well as the sinner who has not turned from his ways and who has yet to receive Christ into their life. The Word tells us:
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. (James 5:16 KJV)

Are you feeling the squeeze yet? I’m not here to condemn one soul but I will not shy away from the truth. I will not accept what God says is wicked and abominable in this world and the ways of it so if I have to walk it alone to be seen as righteous and holy before The One who holds my life in His hands then I will. Temporary pain in this life is far from comparison to the eternal joy I will have in my Fathers kingdom.

I pray this for you too dear Reader. Fight the good fight and don’t give in. You can do it and come out victorious in Christ Jesus. He is our strength, shield, deliverer, protector and provider. Nothing is too mighty for God to do. Amen? Amen!

“Thank you Father, Son and Holy Spirit for being my path and light. I thank You for being my all and leading me in truth. May I cling to Your truths and convictions and lead a life that’s pleasing and honoring. You work as one but in unity giving leadership to all who will receive. Praises I sing on high for You are worthy my God to be praised! In Jesus name I pray. Amen”

Preach the Word

I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at His appearing and His kingdom: Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. (II Timothy 4:1-4 NKJV)

Prisoners of Hope: Expecting Promises Of the Lord While Waiting

Prisoner of Hope

Return to the stronghold, You prisoners of hope. Even today I declare That I will restore double to you. (Zechariah 9:12 NKJV)

Believe me when I say that I know what it feels like when a cloud of rain hovers over your head seemingly to never go away. The rain keeps coming and you feel as if you might drown.

This is not so. God has not left you nor has he forsaken you.

Even as the nights grow long and it may seem as if the sun will never shine, keep holding on to God’s love and truth. Nothing surprises the Lord at all. Call out to him in your despair, through your tears heard, seen as well as unseen.

We will face some hardships in this life. Some emotional and some physical. It is by faith and hope that we must continue to trust the Lord.

Blind faith.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1 NKJV)

If we trust the Lord Whom we have yet seen with our natural eye to save us from an eternity of damnation to live forever with him in heaven once we repent and receive salvation, He surely will be with us and come to aid when we cannot see the outcome of the turmoil we are enduring.

The mind is a battlefield. We must be careful of the things we allow to filter…. TRUTH or LIES. Allow righteousness to fill you and cover the wounds of words and actions that attack you with doubt.

Let’s take a little look about Abraham shall we.

Abraham Justified by Faith

What then shall we say that Abraham our father has found according to the flesh? For if Abraham was justified by works, he has something to boast about, but not before God. For what does the Scripture say? Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness. Now to him who works, the wages are not counted as grace but as debt. (Romans 4:1-4 NKJV)

The Promise Granted Through Faith

For the promise that he would be the heir of the world was not to Abraham or to his seed through the law, but through the righteousness of faith. For if those who are of the law are heirs, faith is made void and the promise made of no effect, because the law brings about wrath; for where there is no law there is no transgression.

Therefore it is of faith that it might be according to grace, so that the promise might be sure to all the seed, not only to those who are of the law, but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all (as it is written, I have made you a father of many nations ) in the presence of Him whom he believedGod, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did; who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations, according to what was spoken, So shall your descendants be.

And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarahs womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore it was accounted to him for righteousness. Now it was not written for his sake alone that it was imputed to him, but also for us. It shall be imputed to us who believe in Him who raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead, who was delivered up because of our offenses, and was raised because of our justification. (Romans 4:13-25 NKJV)

Wow, now if this is not an encouragement next to eternal salvation, what is?!! ( though there are many examples and testimonies of the mighty works from the hand of the Lord to think on as well as share with others ) There is NOTHING that is impossible for God to step in and fix. Nothing.

I say this to you out of encouragement and my by own experience and testimony: It is better to just step back and wait on the the promises of the Lord to manifest. Always remember that manifestation may not come in the way that you want it to, so be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading. Just a simple yet profound word of encouragement through a song, scriptures that you just happen to see in the Bible or elsewhere or even through someone you least expect are signs that God hears you and that he is following up on promises he cannot go back on.

No matter how long the wait may be, holding out in the strength of the Lord and not that of your own will be so much more beneficial.

You never know just how much you can learn and grow from waiting through hardships.

“Thank you Lord for anchoring my soul even when doubt, stress, tears of the unknown and unseen could not be seen. My trust is in You and You alone. The natural man easily wants to rise up for instant gratification to feel better but when our HOPE is steadfast and immovable, trusting you for the outcome of your spoken promises and blessings….. sitting at Your feet in silence and meditating on your goodness and mercy as well as calling out to you with an uplifted voice of thanksgiving and praise just for being the head of my life is and should be good enough for me. May we all look to you O Lord even when we take matters into out own hands and repent. May we ask you to take over and remove us from ourselves because no greater peace is found while waiting than in You. ~ Amen.”

My brothers and sisters in the Lord, be encouraged while you wait. Let your Hope be a Godly hope and not that of the world. Let it be justified by your faith in Him Who is able to keep you from falling.

Storms Are Raging…. Is Jesus Anchoring Your Soul?

In You, O Lord, I put my trust; Let me never be ashamed; Bow down Your ear to me, Deliver me speedily; Be my rock of refuge, A fortress of defense to save me. For You are my rock and my fortress; Therefore, for Your names sake, Lead me and guide me. Pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me, For You are my strength. Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord God of truth. I have hated those who regard useless idols; But I trust in the Lord. I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy, For You have considered my trouble; You have known my soul in adversities, And have not shut me up into the hand of the enemy; You have set my feet in a wide place.

Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am in trouble; My eye wastes away with grief, Yes, my soul and my body! For my life is spent with grief, And my years with sighing; My strength fails because of my iniquity, And my bones waste away. I am a reproach among all my enemies, But especially among my neighbors, And am repulsive to my acquaintances; Those who see me outside flee from me. I am forgotten like a dead man, out of mind; I am like a broken vessel. For I hear the slander of many; Fear is on every side; While they take counsel together against me, They scheme to take away my life. But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord; I say, You are my God. My times are in Your hand; Deliver me from the hand of my enemies, And from those who persecute me. Make Your face shine upon Your servant; Save me for Your mercies sake. Do not let me be ashamed, O Lord, for I have called upon You; Let the wicked be ashamed; Let them be silent in the grave.

Let the lying lips be put to silence, Which speak insolent things proudly and contemptuously against the righteous. Oh, how great is Your goodness, Which You have laid up for those who fear You, Which You have prepared for those who trust in You In the presence of the sons of men! You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence From the plots of man; You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion From the strife of tongues. Blessed be the Lord, For He has shown me His marvelous kindness in a strong city! For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before Your eyes; Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications When I cried out to You. Oh, love the Lord, all you His saints! For the Lord preserves the faithful, And fully repays the proud person. Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the Lord. (Psalm 31:1-24 NKJV)

God bless those who are amongst the living this day. May we be truly thankful to see another day even if it is hard to bear. If we are tying our souls to Christ and walking closely to him, then I can only hope and pray that through the storms of life,we won’t jump off the ship. May our souls be anchored in the Lord. I feel that the Lord is pressing it upon my heart to remind us all to not be a selfish people. There are so many people walking around this world lost. Lost in darkness to sin. Lost in darkness and clueless not knowing a precious Savior Who is willing to accept us as dirty, filthy garments in need of washing. We can be made over and washed clean in His blood if we just accept his hand and salvation. How can we keep Jesus to ourselves? Are we really trying to reach the nations, are we really trying to reach our neighbors who live next door. (literally and spiritually) It’s so easy to get caught up and  feel comfortable in our own walk. But tell me, have you ever thought that someone you were aquainted with unexpectantly passed away and likely went to hell when you knew that they did not know Jesus and you HAD the opportunity to minister to them? Now I am not pointing the finger at anyone because I know I have been guilty of it. May we all be a work in progress willing to step out unashamed and share Jesus. Now we can only do our part as you know. We can’t force people to do anything especially when it comes to salvation. Just know that the opportunity was made available if you knew your heart was being nudged to go speak to someone. 

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalites, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:12 NKJV)

Too many demons to fight against. We simply cannot do anything on our own or in our own strength. We NEED Jesus. People are trapped within their minds stressed, perplexed, confused and depressed by demonic oppression that soon may cause one to take their own life by suicide and maybe of those that are around them. Just going down the wrong path of life is torture in itself. They don’t know that there is a way out. If they do, they are fighting against doing right simply because the folly of this world seem more enticing. I’m sure that people get caught up and don’t want to be labeled as a Jesus Freak especially if their life is in the spotlight. You don’t have to be a celebrity either.

Jesus is the way.  

There is no other way to make it in this life. Life will bring some hard knocks. Will we be able to stand the blows? Will we trust in the Lord enough to keep our eyes focused on him and to not let go of his promises no matter how long the storm rages? Peace can be found in the storm. May we anchor our souls in the Lord at all times and not some times. May we extend our hearts with compassion for those crying out,  those with inner turmoil and any thing that stands in the way of freedom. Signs may not always be visible that someone is battling in the spirit, but take the time and ask the Lord to have his way in your life, to use you to be a messenger of peace. Our freedom is in Christ.

God bless each and every heart reading this. Let’ go out and make a difference while lifting up and encouraging one another as the Body of Christ. Let’s work on becoming selfless rather than selfish. At the end of  this earthly life we are going to be accountable before God. Make the most of your time while you have it. Tomorrow isn’t promised to no one. 

In Christ I encourage you to put on the Armor of God daily. (Ephesians 6:10-20) We are on the battlefield. The victory is ours. May we believe it and claim it.

 

Seeking Help & Rescue from The Lord : He Hasn’t Failed Me Yet

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Sharing my thoughts and God‘s rescue…..
In regards to my memory loss the other day, God let me know that I wasn’t alone for he was with me. Though I have moments of temporary memory loss never to know what was said to me or what event even occurred ( unless someone was around me to know I wasn’t in the current moment ) His Word has been embedded in my heart and that’s something I’ll never forget.

God gave me peace and rest ( physical and spiritual ) even when I could not understand why such things happen for no reason. Scriptures were given to me for comfort and understanding. My tears of fear and anxiety turned into tears of ” Thank you Lord for blessing me, comforting me through my tears when I felt lost and alone, unable to recapture memories I’ll never know of. Thank you for Your everlasting protection before and after my seizure activity. Thank you for Your promises over my life. ”

I can’t sit, ponder and overwhelm myself with anxiety of the ” could have ” moments that never took place, though FEAR was desperately trying to consume my thoughts because God stepped in and rescued me. I was safely sitting down folding laundry not having moved from that spot. I didn’t fall down the stairs, I wasn’t cooking and a fire could have started, I wasn’t even driving….. potentially putting myself or anyone on the road at risk. So why was I really upset and shedding tears? The root of it all:

I WASN’T IN CONTROL!!

Shame on me for I know better. I’m far from perfect and the Lord knows this. I see why He stepped in and rescued me from myself and the road of mental destruction I could have caused myself that day. For by the Holy Spirit my heart was quickened with the Word and my mind shielded from negative thinking.

God didn’t bring me this far to leave me I know. I’ve been through worse times than this and he brought me out so this little situation is nothing in comparison. I’m doing much better. My boat was rocked just enough for God to say ” Hey! Just wanted to make sure you know that I’m still God and you aren’t. I want you to be aware at all times that you are to lean on Me in everything you face even when you don’t see it coming in advance. Trust Me and Me only.” So…………. okay. I hear you Lord. I know You are building me up, strengthening me, preparing me for greater things ahead. I’m fine with that. I’m past the baby stages in my walk with You. I want what You want for my life. I want to grow more and more in You, seeking you on purpose everyday for wisdom, knowledge, a greater purpose than just living on this earth.

Thank you my God for feeding my soul and spirit with the power of the Word that provides nourishment for my daily needs. My needs are greater than my wants and You provide each and every time. Thank you for giving me Your rest. No matter what’s going inside and out, deep within me Your peace and joy is there to sustain me. Righteousness goes before me, a stedfast foot to pursue holiness keeps me as I yearn to grow closer to you. My life is not my own. It belongs to You. Take me oh Lord and use me for your glory.

Scripture References:

 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.(
Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]! (Habakkuk 3:19 AMP)

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8 NIV)

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, (2 Corinthians 10:4, 5 NKJV)

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. (Colossians 3:15, 16 NIV)

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17, 18 NIV)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whot have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)

Are you facing any physical challenges or afflictions? Take on faith, hope, courage and patience as you wait on the Lord to see you through.

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. (2 Corinthians 5:1-8 NIV)

” Dear Lord, I continually thank You for being The Rock, our Foundation, The Well for the thirsty. I pray asking that we will always draw near to You and seek your face, never to grow weary in well doing even when we don’t see physical change for I know You are operating in the spirit of our beings maturing us. May we wait patiently on You, trusting and clinging to your truths, and as we wait, may the condition of our thoughts lead us to speak and act accordingly. In Jesus name ….. Amen. ”

Be blessed and strengthened in the Lord always,

Terra