Separation Anxiety


II Timothy 1:7 NKJV

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Here I am sharing the diary of my thoughts as of late. It’s quite something when separation anxiety plays a major part in your life and your spiritual walk.

The last couple weeks have felt as if fear has been gripping me at the throat. Two reasons to be exact. Actually three. One being my husband leaving state for a short period of time to go to medical school as he is working on his doctorate. The other being concerned about an upcoming appt for a yearly annual exam followed up by a mammogram. *I’ll be getting to the third reason soon enough.

Regarding my husband, I love him to pieces so it’s always hard to see him leave without me and our children. You’d think I would be use to it as we are now a retired Army family.  We both were soldiers. After 19yrs of marriage, I still shed tears before he leaves anywhere out of town and my mind rolls like a tide wondering and worrying if he is safe on the highways.

These emotions should not rule over me. At all.

The above scripture repeatedly played in my mind as I allowed it to filter into my heart. My husband told me that God is still God and that He is always in control. He told me this not once but twice. The second time was as the days passed upon the arrival of my up and coming appointment to the doctors office.

“Lord I am tired of letting You down as well as myself. I claim Your truths, promises and healing yet I find myself still emotionally consumed with feelings of the unseen and unknown.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 NKJV

And the Lord , He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

Boom. Here comes my third reason. The reason that landed me where I should have not landed. The reason that I listed last so that it will make sense.

My separation anxieties would not have me all in a frenzy had I kept my focus on God and not my fears. It’s natural to be concerned about others and situations but I should not allow them to choke me up.

I allowed my thoughts to run rampant. I allowed myself get away from standing still in the presence of God and giving Him my complete trust while letting go of how I felt I could cope with my emotional state.

Simply put, I can do nothing without Him. This I know yet I did not completely relent until the day of my appointment.

CANCER. (lump in my throat)

Thinking that I may be the next woman in my family to have breast cancer and/or ovarian cancer made my stress level skyrocket. My mom and sister are survivors of breast cancer. My paternal grandmother died of ovarian cancer.

“I can’t catch a break to save my life. Sheesh. I’d be the very one to die from breast cancer if my test came back confirming my worst fear.” These were the thoughts running through my mind. Shame on me. I should never feel insignificant to God. He loves me.

Battlefield of the mind. I am at war with myself and the adversary. I press forward to think on good things as scripture tells me.

Philippians 4:8 NKJV

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are  noble, whatever things are  just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are  lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there  is any virtue and if there  is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

… yet I’m still fighting to keep my head above water. Speaking of water, I think about the story when Jesus tells Peter to come to Him out in the open sea. Peter stepped out and walked on water until the the winds blew. His fear, his lack of faith caused him to begin to sink until Jesus pulled him up. (Matthew 14:22-32)

Let me back this whole thing up for a minute. When I find myself withdrawing to grow closer to the Lord, the enemy is on my heels. If he being Satan did it to Jesus then I definitely am not being excluded to be tested and tried. This makes me think back to the biblical story of Job. That man surely went through some storms in his life yet He did not turn his back on God despite all the mental, physical and emotional hardships he suffered. He knew God was still a faithful and loving Father though he knew not why he was suffering.

With all this being said, I need to stick even closer to the Lord. I know this life will not keep me from suffering all things that come my way. Whether it’s through word or affliction I must continue to speak the word of God in my life and over it. I must believe Him for the unseen and unknown even when I’m growing weary.

I’m far from perfect but I continue to strive to live out my life pleasing Him who has purposed every aspect of my life that He would get the glory. His Holy Word tells us: Romans 8:28 ESV

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

So to sum up my thoughts, I took action like never before as I prepped myself to leave the house and as I traveled the highway. I thank the Holy Spirit for bringing my mind and heart into remembrance of scriptures to help, affirm and comfort me through the last couple weeks and to encourage me to fight for my life in Christ.

Words cannot explain the experience I encountered with the Lord before I reached my destination.  One thing I do know is that I was at peace and my mind was settled. I still am. Praise in His presence through worship and prayer carried me unlike any experience I can remember. Though I have yet to know my test results, I know that I know that I know that I am healed and whole whether I receive it in this life or when I go home to be with Him however it may be that I am taken. It doesn’t have to be sickness that we die from. Freak accidents and evil happens everywhere. I could die of natural causes. Better yet, He can just take me home because it’s my time. None of us know the day or hour that we will leave this world so I pray we focus on Him and the life and ministry we are called to carry out. May we love one another and share the Gospel of Christ with those who do not know Him.

I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. Victory is mine. It’s yours too dear believer. We have been given power and authority in Jesus’ name.  We are not defeated unless we throw in the towel.

Remember these words please and cling tight to them. God’s word is truth and He cannot go back on what He says.

Romans 8:38-39 ESV

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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Trust and Obey: Life of the Thirsty

In Abunance

He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. (John 7:38 KJV)
Photo credit: self/Divine Creations Photography

Daniel 2:21

New King James Version (NKJV)

21And He changes the times and the seasons;
He removes kings and raises up kings;
He gives wisdom to the wise
And knowledge to those who have understanding.

God surely has a divine way of drawing us to Him through various cirmcumstances. Some of us will yeild right away and some of us won’t. I can honestly say that in the last week I have gone through some challenging times emotionally and physically. Good and not so good.

Routinely my family and I always have morning prayer together before we part ways for the day. Christ Jesus is our Foundation. We cannot stand without Him in our lives. This world is so broken and full of evil and idolatry. It would be selfish of us to only pray for ourselves so we always ask the Lord to work in the lives of others who are going through something whether it’s here in America or in another part of the world. My kids pray for their schools, teachers and classmates as well as themselves, asking that God be with them as a light shining around those they encounter personally or from a distance. They know that being a Christian that they are set apart when they choose to live for Him and not others.

In general, it is hard to see people self destructing. My heart aches to see people I love and care about just give up on life, to give up on God, to give up fighting for what’s right especially when it is so easy to follow the ways of the world and what it’s doing.

I have been very sensitive the last couple of days seeing the hand of God moving in my emotions and thought pattern. I am naturally a sensitive person who can cry “at the drop of a dime.” (is that saying correct?) My Lord surely has heard my grief and my prayers. He has also heard my praise and rejoicing. Things have been changing to a point that I really cannot put into words how His PEACE has kept me daily. I have cried out and asked the Lord to provide; to make my path known and clear. I have asked for wisdom and courage. His strength carries me in such a way that I cannot help but sing praises unto Him even if the water seems troubled.

Time after time God will remind me that He is in control. Not I. He will allow things to happen for a reason. I have to step aside and allow Him to do what He does best. All I have to do is trust and obey.

Some things have been going on in the life of my family back home. It has bothered me, it has even angered me and it has also brought me to tears. One thing I have not ceased to stop doing is praying. Not just for my parents and siblings but that also for extended family. As the days have passed and I continue to seek the Lord, I am starting to see more of my purpose and what He has called me to. My life at times seems to be an open book. This transparency seems to pour out with more courage as I share my faith, my hope and my trust in the Lord even when I fall or see myself falling into fear.

Amongst many things that I have faced, I have not stopped praising the Lord. Even when I do not see the outcome or have seen the fruit of my labor for some years now, I STILL trust The Almighty to work things out as He sees fit.

The seeds have been planted.

“Have Your way Lord! May I not trust in my own thoughts, plans and understanding but may they be of Yours for they far outweigh mine!”

Recently I learned that my dear mother has been bleeding internally and has had to get a blood transfusion. That stopped me dead in my tracks as I am listening over the phone to what has been going on. The first thing I thought was Cancer because she has battled various types since I was 13yrs of age. This woman has gone through some stuff. While I have yet to know what is going on, I am relieved that she is doing better. It’s hard not being close to home. She lives in Ohio and I in North Carolina. One thing I rest in is that prayer travels instantly. I do not have to be with someone in the physical for God to hear my prayers and before He lays His mighty hand upon them.

There is POWER in prayer. There is POWER in Jesus’ name which is above every name. Hallelujah!!! When I pray, it’s like a fire shut up in my bones that I just have to release. I can’t keep Jesus to myself. I can’t keep the goodness of the Lord covered. I have to let it out so that the world may know whether they receive it or not.

Dear reader, I encourage you to seek God and praise Him for the unknown and the unanswered. Remember that His timing is not ours and even if He does not answer know that there is a reason behind. So do not worry about things you cannot change. Pray and move on.

Hebrews 11:1

[ By Faith We Understand ] Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
I hope you take a little time to listen to the words of the songs below. May they minister to your heart the way they did mine this morning.

Related post: Bring the Rain

We Shall Overcome By Our Testimony!

We overcome by our testimony

Praise the Lord everyone! Praise the Lord! Welcome to the Testimony Corner. As I mentioned in the previous post: (link) In Bloom: Testify to the goodness of The Lord! ,I would be setting up something for us all to partake in. As I give glory and honor to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for saving my life from myself, I thank Him for you and all that He has done in your life. We are family united by His blood. I look forward to hearing from your heart in your own words, song, inspiration or however you are led to share with the Body of Christ the testament of His faithfulness. Jesus says in the Book of Matthew chapter 18 verse 20 “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” I believe the Word in its entirety and we know that Jesus is the Living Word!

While I am trying to balance my morning with a sick kiddo, cleaning the house and thinking about how to do this Testimony Corner without making it complicated, I thought to share a cardboard testimony video with you all and to share a testimony myself in the comment box below. Please don’t be shy, uncomfortable or feel that your testimony isn’t worth sharing because it is! Do not allow the devil to steal your joy. Be free in Christ Jesus to share what He has done in your life or of someone you know.

God bless each and every one of you today! May His love pour over you like a sweet-smelling aroma coming down from the heavens, may His light shine into the deepest parts of your soul that it radiates for all to see!

“Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!” (Psalms 34:8 NKJV)

Please bear with me as you may or may not see adjustments on my page! It’s not about the fancy-shmancy style, it’s about going viral for the Lord!

So let us share our testimony and be a witness to the whole wide world that we are not ashamed because WE OVERCAME!!

Standing In the Gap


Dear Lord,

Someone is in need of Your presence right now. I don’t know who I’m praying for but my heart and spirit is calling me to intercede on their behalf…. to stand in the gap. I cry out to You to come rescue them in their time of need. Cover them with Your love, be a hedge of protection around them, The Rock, The Fortress, a place of refuge, the mother, father, sister, brother, the friend, Comforter, their everything that they need to make it through.

Hear my plea O Lord for tears are present. Hurt, pain and grief has struck their soul, doubting and wondering how they will make it. Most Holy One, I know you can make a way out of no way. Let them know that You are with them. Your presence is near. You have not forsaken them. I plead the blood of the Lamb, I rebuke those negative spirits. They have no choice but to flee in the name of Jesus.

Thank You for hearing my prayers. My love is with those who seek You even if they are unaware that they need to call on You. Bless them and keep them safe in Your arms. Peace be still. This storm soon shall pass. In Your everlasting Name I pray. Amen.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. (Romans 8:26 NIV)

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. (Lamentations 3:25 ESV)

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Wait on the Lord

Wait on the Lord

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31

Good day to you all and I pray that you walk in a new day that you have been blessed with. Whew… I got to tell you that a sweet voice poured over me this morning upon waking up and my heart began to praise the Lord and thank him for what he is doing. I was going about my normal rountine shortly afterwards and my heart was calling out to pray for those who are growing weary in troubled times. I found myself crying within. People, DON’T GIVE UP!! Wait on the Lord to answer you. He is an on time God. He knows your troubles, he sees your tears, the pain you are enduring. Be encouraged and hold tight to his promises. He is ABLE. Cleave to that please…. and just don’t give up. During the hardships, Satan will say and do anything to discourage you and tell you that God isn’t coming through and that if he hasn’t showed up now to just take matters into your own hands. He is a deceiver. He doesn’t want you to prosper. Guilt, shame, lack of faith and trust, anger and frustration kicks in amongst so many other negative things that will keep you down if you allow them to.

Dear friends keep the faith. Get on your knees and cry out to the Lord and tell him all about it. He will bring you through. Just wait and see…….

My prayer is that you hold on and don’t give up. Hold on to God’s unchanging hand. Know that you are being prayed for and intercession is taking place. Peace be with you, my hugs come from afar and my tears are shed with you. I believe God will make a way out of no way. A way that we see with our mortal eyes isn’t the way God sees. Our timing isn’t his timing. Do know that He ALWAYS come right on time. He will open and close doors that no man can change. Trust, believe and WAIT!